Bridezillas, Please Take Note!

In light of recent events, (those of you on Twitter may already be accustomed to my woes) I thought it may be appropriate to write a Jerry Springer ‘Last Word’ kind of post.

You see, weddings are THE occasion that celebrates the love and devotion between two people who are happy to commit and spend the rest of their lives together.  Naturally, the two people will want their nearest and dearest to witness their commitment to each other when they express their vows to one another, be it, in the eyes of God or during a civil ceremony.

Traditionally, this is all that happened at a wedding.  It was once enough for two people in love to ask their friends and families to come together for one day to celebrate, be happy for the couple involved and cease the opportunity for the families to unite. 

These were the times before us, the times when a bride wore white because she actually deserved to and the husband traditionally carried their new wife over the threshold.  Heck, if you actually lived with your spouse prior to marriage then you had a quiet wedding and no fanfare at all! The big shindig, booze up and frolics on the hen and stag all came about at a later date (of which, I think we can all agree, are pleased about).

My point is, your wedding day is truly about getting married to the man (or woman) that you love and have willingly vowed to spend your life with.  Please don’t allow yourself, your sister, daughter, mum, cousin, aunt or whoever it is you know that is getting to be a bit of a Bridezilla, to think that the highlight and most important part of the day will be something which in essence, is a bit trivial in the cold light of day; the seating arrangements, the food choice, whether the cake has 2 tiers or 10, or the entertainment for your guests.  In fairness, your guests will be happy for you with whatever you choose and appreciate the fact that you have invited them to attend, witness and celebrate with you on one of the most special days of both of your lives.  

Getting over-emotional at the fact your cousin’s, best friend’s auntie had the same band as you is, to me, pretty bloody stupid.  So what if your next door neighbour wants the same colour scheme as what you’ve planned?  Who cares (apart from maybe you) that your invitations resemble the tiniest bit to the one you’ve just received for your other half’s sister’s friends wedding?

Another thing I think is key; don't be in competition with somebody else you know who is planning their day.  That is exactly what is it.  Their day.  Yours is completely separate and where the phrase "different strokes for different folks" is extremely important to remember. 

Your friend may love the idea of having a carnival or circus themed wedding, filled with fun and featuring bright colours and things to entertain in every direction you look.  This, on the other hand, may be your idea of hell.  And vice versa.  Do you see my point yet?  Do you? 

I'm not trying to put a dampner on anyone's day (honestly, I'm not).  It is, afterall, one of, if not THE most important day of your lives.  It's just that after going through this scenario over the last couple of weeks, with it heightening in the last few days, I've pondered over what is the meaning of marriage and how scarily huge the wedding industry is and how we can all get sucked in to thinking, what fundamentally is a jolly good knees up, is the most significant part of the day.  It isn't.

Please just take a step back from the Wedding Bubble you have surrounded yourself in for the past few months.  Remember that life is still carrying on as normal and will continue to do so after the event.  Most importantly, remember that this day is about you and your partner, standing in front of each other and your loved ones (who will continue to love both of you no matter what centrepiece you’ve chosen), to hear you vow to love and to cherish, from this day forward.

Love is all you need.

Venue Hunting - The Pros and Cons

So, two months after the engagement and we still haven’t decided on a venue. It was almost a done deal last night but we thought it would be better to ask the opinions of our nearest and dearest – bad idea.  This has now resulted in us going to look at a brand new venue (after previously visiting the 4 that we shortlisted) to see if it can beat the two that we narrowed it down to. I must admit that I feel very disappointed and fed up with the whole thing now but I’m going to go with an open mind because the fiancé wants to look, it's not just my day and, it may just be a hidden gem that will blow the other 2 out of the water (wishful thinking maybe?).

I’ve now got to the stage where I have said “we’ll get married in the church and then that’s it. No wedding breakfast and no evening reception either”. Drastic maybe but personally, I think a lot of people forget the whole idea of the day. It’s meant to be about the two of you getting married, not having a party for everyone else. So my advice is to prioritise; do you want to spend a big amount of money on one day for everyone else, or compromise and settle for maybe a more intimate affair with less guests, or alternatively, more guests but at a less expensive cost. Do you have the opinion that as it’s your one special day, it would be appropriate to spend a great whack of your hard earned wages? I was of that opinion, but then, after all the planning, excitement and the end of the honeymoon comes round, and you’re both back home watching tv in the rain, could you face the thought of what you could have bought for that amount of money for your new life as a married couple?

My dream venue is coming in at about 10% more expensive than my second choice. My dream venue will only cater for 55 guests maximum. My second choice will cater for 80. Our guest list is 57. My dream venue has no onsite accommodation for us or our guests but has hotels and B&Bs a mile or so up the road. My second choice has an onsite hotel. Saying this, we would like to go on honeymoon the next day so would having somewhere to stay over to have breakfast with family in the morning really be necessary?

I am a Bride on a Budget.  Therefore, I know that if I want my dream venue, I'll have to compromise on other things to save costs.  So what if my dress may not be designer?  I can guarantee nobody will be routing around the back of my dress to try and take a look at my label.  One of my favourite things to do is bake.  I can easily bake my own cake but just pay for somebody to ice the design for me.  See, when needs must, with a little bit of brainstorming and although you may not think it at first, there are ways around paying "wedding prices".

By "wedding prices", I mean the companies who see you coming a mile off when looking for a quote.  Ring around venues, cake designers etc and ask them for a quote.  Never ever book anything there and then (like I was prepared to).  Sleep on your decision, and if you're patient enough, like me, you'll get over your initial excitement and think about your options rationally.  Then go back to your shortlisted suppliers and try to negotiate on their price.  If they aren't prepared to listen, they don't deserve your custom or your money.

I think that sums up this section.  Wait.  Be rational.  Think things through.  Learn to negotiate and don't panic.....it'll get booked when the time is right.  If your first choice is still available on the date you want it a month or two after your first enquiry, it's obviously meant to be!